Subtitle: How can two letters, E and X, add so much weight to a word?
I have just discovered how “ex-girlfriend” is a tough word since I have been using it more and more often in the past few weeks. As expected ** broke up with me and I did not fight her decision because I do think it is the best for her.
Age differences but not only stand behind it. And the fact I do care a lot about her, stop me from fighting against her decision. That does not mean I do not care or I do not feel hurt by this new change. She was the right person for a long time, exactly what I wanted.
On the other hand she defined the break up as a habit to quit: probably she had left interest in us long time ago and she had just taken her time to make up her mind and prepare properly for the “aftermath”. Nothing against her! I am ok for her not suffering, probably even being fast ready for another step of her life.. as she said fast enough: 向前走，莫回头 – move forward, don’t turn back! She has always been the one more practical in the couple, and I always wanted to learn more from her.. this is the time!
My mind though is still struggling when I am asked about my trips and my experience in China and I tell stories including my girlfriend… wait, no, my EX-girlfriend! The “problem” is that the main part of my experience in China has been shared with her, and it has been special thanks to her, more complete, more Chinese, as I always wanted.
Even if for someone maybe I failed during that period, returning to Europe after only 3.5 years, I value a lot that time and I miss Asia a lot. But thinking about China is almost impossible without thinking about her. And I do not want to stop thinking about Asia! The dream is not over, even if I have been there and come back to Europe!
It might even be possible in the future we will be friends again. Time will tell. Even if in my personal break up history I haven’t managed to keep much contacts with exes. But maybe with her it will be possible, since the relationship was based on quite a few things in common, as we had understood during long summer walks.
For the time being anyway I certainly do not want to know who is her next important person that will make this European experience as special as she deserves it. I am not so “holy”.. As I know myself, I have to grow stronger, and not looking in her direction any more.. I also have to 向前走，莫回头!!
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But It’s home to me and I walk alone
…
My shadow’s the only one that walks beside me
my shallow hearts the only thing that’s beating
sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
til then i walk alone
…
Read between the lines
What’s fucked up and everything’s all right
Check my vital signs to know I’m still alive
And I walk alone
Dreaming of... Asia 