What’s wrong with me? If anything…

14 01 2015

Not so long time ago during a funny evening in a one of the best pubs I have been in Amsterdam, De Prael, talking with an Italian couple and a Spanish friend (divorced man of about my age), the Italian girl, woman in her late 30s, clearly said that:

“a single man over 40 that has never been married is extremely weird! Something must be wrong with him”

…what? me? You are talking about me, right?

I do not think she even realized that and for sure she did not think I would have remembered, or post about this.. but I must say it hit the spot less than what I actually thought!

I have been once before defined as “weird but in a good way” by another female friend.

For sure I did not expect shame from myself and I am a stronger believer that one must live his/her life how best it fits the choices and situation he/she is making or facing. I have never been really close to get married even if I had strong feelings for 2 young women in the past 5 years. But the question was never popped, neither of them would have anyway said yes and I have been betrayed and left by both of them! So again, the strong feelings were just one sided..

In my life I have been more time single than with girlfriend. This must be already a sign that something is wrong about me, I guess.. at least for some people!

I consider special the precious moments I have had a partner who was sharing some of my life joys: traveling, photography, food (never had an Aikido girlfriend..). I said more than once what I like in a girl, and my “standards” are not that high! I’m easy going and easy to satisfy also in this!

But in reality I am not that good to get close to girls and therefore establish long lasting partnerships.

Do I need a mental examination for finding the reasons? Is it really necessary? Is there really anything wrong with me?

The only thing I can see it is my chronic inability to fast forget the broken relationships. This is something I have carried long with me and I perfectly know that the first girl I get close to after one of my major break-ups will not remember me too nicely, because my mind is always still with the last ex. This has always happened. This is probably wrong: I am passionate and presenting a huge inertia against changes! I am an emotional elephant!

But this is my life, these have been my choices, and when not mine, the situations I have ended up into are mine own. I live them as I want but mainly as I can. I have to accept my life for what it is, with a few regrets here and there, but who does not have any?

So,

I AM a single man over 40 who has never been married and, yes, I am weird! Something must be wrong with me, but I do not think it is a major problem. Proud or not, this is my life and I live it keeping my head high!

 

 


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