What kind of freak I am

16 01 2015

Just to balance to thoughts about the kind of girl I really like (and I had maybe once or twice in my life, but they both left me.. mmhhh dangerous tendency!), it is time I give you (people that never met me and never will) an idea about me. Please read “guys” as boys/men: “men” would be the proper comparison for my biological age, “boys” are on the other hand the kind of age I compete with (losing) for the girls I used to like..


  • there are guys that look at their best in any occasion, in any weather, always properly dressed, hairs appearing always stylish, never with short breath, never stressed, never out of position/identity, with the clothes always perfectly fitting them, even if they carry luggage and they run to catch the last train.. in one word, always cool – I am not of that kind, I am just real.. a real mess!
  • there are guys that girls look at with loving eyes: they can shut up, talk bulls, talk nonsense (as most boys) and the girls are already at their feet – I am not of that kind, and also I am very honest, thing many girls do not like;
  • there are guys that do not need to talk in order to make their presence known: magnetic center in room fool of people that just would fade in the background –  I am not of that kind, I am the background;
  • there are guys that have reached all they hoped for, they are established, they know what they want (who) and how to get it (her) and never cared about the rest of the world, anything expendable for their goals –  I am not of that kind, I am still in deep waters about my goals and I do care in general about other people feelings (not what they think about me);
  • there are guys that betray – I am not of that kind, I am the one betrayed by girls I cared too much about, girls that are easily attracted by those guys;
  • there are guys that can open the bra strap of the girl they are making out with, with one hand behind her back while with the other hand they fix a drink and at the same time they keep kissing the above mentioned girl thinking about the next and watching football on TV – I am not of that kind, much less dexterity in the magic of bra unlocking (yeah, started too late) and too much monogamy mind: when I am with a girl I might enjoy the views around me, but she is on my mind 24/7.. I know, I’m an old fashioned idiot and always paying for this!
  • there are guys that can eat all the possible junk food and keeping a perfect body without doing anything for that – I am not of that kind, that is why I am usually alone in front a PC writing my silly blog posts 😉 (yeah, truth to be said, enjoying each and every one of them!)
  • there are guys, many of those actually, that put always themselves, their interests, their person, their needs as top priority in a relationship, in a team activity, in any second of their life – I am (usually) not of that kind, even if I know I should be more like that!
  • there is people gifted in all they do or at least in most – I am not of that kind, I reach goals with hard working, even enjoying that though! I don’t consider myself gifted (anymore: I used to be extremely good at math and logical thinking). But I am dedicated, a very good quality from my point of view.
  • there is people able to forget the negative events in their life, step over them and re-start living at once – I am unfortunately not of that kind, I am an elephant with elephant memory. And an idiot!
  • there is people that at 40++ are established – I am not of that kind, I am weird! But in a good way 😉
  • there are guys that do not care to be loved, hated or nothing at all –  I am not of that kind, love me or hate me, please, but don’t be totally indifferent to me! Especially not after about 3 years together! This is hurting, especially when I realized, when I feel that I am not anymore present in any way possible in **’s mind, just discarded as a used tampon.

After such a terrible description, why any girl on earth should be attracted or interest in me? No reason, probably all the female in a 10 miles range are running away as fast as they can!!

The few girls that are not running away, the few friends that are still close are what gives real good feelings in every day life. I know I am weird, but I still see some people that is not scared by this weirdness, and it makes me feel good! And I try to share these positive feelings with the people I care of, sometimes people that stop caring or never cared about me.. But that’s life and you gonna live it as it is!



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