Amsterdam Valentine

14 02 2017

Love to the city – love to the friends – love to the sky – love to this light…

Love yourself (more or less literally up to you)





Conversation with a ghost of the past life

8 02 2017

I have written this story on a small sheet of paper sitting in my usual spot in my usual bar, alone as usually, but completely relaxed, enjoying the noise around me and feeling in complete peace with myself. It is good sometimes to be a ghost lost in a crowd..

– In the previous life we were a couple
M – Were we?
– Yes
M – And how was it?
– It was good, great even from time to time. We had 2 kids, 2 girls
M – 2 can be tough
– You know that, right. But 2 can also be awesome
M – Was it awesome for us?
– It was for you.. when you left me
M – Did I?
– Yes, and it had been the right thing to do
M – Was it?
– I loved you and the girls with all myself.. but it was not enough
M – What was missing then?
– Loving myself as well, accepting myself, stop thinking I should have been better
M – Could you?
– I tried and failed, and drunk myself away from my failures, or at least I thought I could get away
M – Was it worth?
– I gave you a chance for a better life when I was over, when I was done… so yes, my failures gave you freedom
M – Did I really want that freedom? From you? Have you ever asked this to yourself?
– I was taking you down with me, taking the girls away from happiness because of my egoism
M – Have you not being selfish killing yourself?
– Have you been happy afterwards?
M – …
– …
M – I missed you in the past life, the girls missed you
– But then they found again happiness, you found happiness.. they forgot me, you forgot me
M – Have you found peace now?
– I see the past, my errors, the present, I see you.. I am content
M – But not happy
– Happiness is overrated
M – Fuck off
– I loved you. I still do. I will always do.. in my way
M – Fuck off
– Are you happy now?
M – Yes, I am
– Then stop talking and let me enjoy your smile.. so I am happy too

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