520: I DO love YOU!!

20 05 2015

Oh yes, like 521, also 520 can be a very lovable day.. a perfect day to prepare for the love yourself day, 525.

Why is that?

Because today, it’s


And even more special, in May the holidays money are paid (equivalent to the 13th salary in Italy and other countries) so my bank account will look less sad than before and ready to organize summer and post-summer Aikido trips, what else? :-)

For all other people in love out there, enjoy the day with your partner or partners.. I do not have this kind of “problem”!

I’ll actually meet my love (Aikido practice) tomorrow and in the weekend (Germans railway system allowing.. more later about this!).

My life without HER is no life!

16 05 2015

I need HER….

I feel so empty, so useless, so lost, so pathetic without HER…

I have no courage, I have no confidence, I have no balance, I have no self respect without HER…

I have no motivations to go out, to meet people, to make new connections and experiences and share the old ones, without HER…

I want HER, my love, my life, my precious…. Read the rest of this entry »

April fools

1 04 2015

The main thing about me is that I don’t need the 1st of April for feeling myself as a fool. But of course today the feeling is more proper ;-)

So why not change something…
Read the rest of this entry »

Jonathan Trigell: wow!

19 03 2015

A few times in my reading experience I have liked so much a novel from an unknown (to me) author to the point to get back to the library and look for other books by him. Recently it happened for two science fiction writers, John Wyndham and Alastair Reynolds, but the genre makes it not surprising at all, since I have always been a passionate SF reader.

In the past, Stephen King, Haruki Murakami and Chuck Palahniuk have been the source of several hours spent devouring their books, but I had either being introduced to them by friends or movies. “Carrie” introduced me to King, and then Biella’s library, my hometown, when I was quite young, became the source of his works. For Palahniuk, it was in Norway, and I got curious after loving Fight Club, the movie and then the book. Murakami was on the other hand introduced by a good friend that lent me her copy of “Norwegian Wood”, and then I was just captured (to the point of having bought, borrowed, read everything translated in English except his very last book, “Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage”, on my wish list!).

And then about one month ago at the library here in Utrecht I took “Genus”, third book by Jonathan Trigell. I did not start reading it at once, since I always take more than one book, and in addiction right now I am facing a huge challenge (1000+ pages) with “Infinite Jest“, book I face in small steps at the time (I got a copy in Italian and it i extra tough! One day I will try ot read it in English.. glorious book!). But then when I started Genus, I just.. finished it! And today I went to the library where I found both “Boy A” and “Cham” that I am pretty sure I will finish quite fast.

Funny to see that Wyndham, Reynolds and Trigell are all British authors: I must keep an open eye to this “school”. Certainly the style is really captivating. Trigell descriptive skills are really impressive. The story was good: I like the authors that build a parallel close future world without giving too many extra information than what strictly necessary for the book itself. It is not difficult also to imagine his book(s, probably) becoming movies: the events are vivid in his words. Very little distance from a script!

I think for this trip to Vienna this coming weekend (Shimizu sensei Aikido seminar) I will take with me “Boy A” and hit the book that made Trigell famous.. let’s see his work closer!

Seminar thoughts: disconnection..

26 01 2015

I realized my Aikido went like my life recently: regression backward. At least I am getting lots of things to think about, unfortunately got no dojo yet (for the Aikido) and no partner (for the other issues)….

Last weekend in Strømmen I met my dear friend Karsten and had a chance to have a nice chat about how important is for us to have some weekly chances to practice Aikido (I cannot say anymore daily, as in my older days in Norway). Both mind and body needs the Aikido break, and I am not surprised we both agree on this aspect. His life has of course many more challenges, being a father of two gorgeous girls, living with his partner and the children and working as a teacher (another job that requires quite a lot of “homework” and preparation, not only for the students!).

Venting out mentally and physically gives quite a lot of pleasure, and the best way for me has been Aikido, in the years (I know what you might be thinking! There are different and maybe better ways to vent out ;-) but in many many years of single life, and not only, Aikido is certainly one of the best ways.. ).

Marc Bachraty sensei in Strømmen, with a twist :)

Marc Bachraty sensei in Strømmen. Group photo with a twist :)

Read the rest of this entry »

What kind of freak I am

16 01 2015

Just to balance to thoughts about the kind of girl I really like (and I had maybe once or twice in my life, but they both left me.. mmhhh dangerous tendency!), it is time I give you (people that never met me and never will) an idea about me. Please read “guys” as boys/men: “men” would be the proper comparison for my biological age, “boys” are on the other hand the kind of age I compete with (losing) for the girls I used to like..


  • there are guys that look at their best in any occasion, in any weather, always properly dressed, hairs appearing always stylish, never with short breath, never stressed, never out of position/identity, with the clothes always perfectly fitting them, even if they carry luggage and they run to catch the last train.. in one word, always cool – I am not of that kind, I am just real.. a real mess!
  • there are guys that girls look at with loving eyes: they can shut up, talk bulls, talk nonsense (as most boys) and the girls are already at their feet – I am not of that kind, and also I am very honest, thing many girls do not like;
  • there are guys that do not need to talk in order to make their presence known: magnetic center in room fool of people that just would fade in the background –  I am not of that kind, I am the background;
  • there are guys that have reached all they hoped for, they are established, they know what they want (who) and how to get it (her) and never cared about the rest of the world, anything expendable for their goals –  I am not of that kind, I am still in deep waters about my goals and I do care in general about other people feelings (not what they think about me);
  • there are guys that betray – I am not of that kind, I am the one betrayed by girls I cared too much about, girls that are easily attracted by those guys;
  • there are guys that can open the bra strap of the girl they are making out with, with one hand behind her back while with the other hand they fix a drink and at the same time they keep kissing the above mentioned girl thinking about the next and watching football on TV – I am not of that kind, much less dexterity in the magic of bra unlocking (yeah, started too late) and too much monogamy mind: when I am with a girl I might enjoy the views around me, but she is on my mind 24/7.. I know, I’m an old fashioned idiot and always paying for this!
  • there are guys that can eat all the possible junk food and keeping a perfect body without doing anything for that – I am not of that kind, that is why I am usually alone in front a PC writing my silly blog posts ;-) (yeah, truth to be said, enjoying each and every one of them!)
  • there are guys, many of those actually, that put always themselves, their interests, their person, their needs as top priority in a relationship, in a team activity, in any second of their life – I am (usually) not of that kind, even if I know I should be more like that!
  • there is people gifted in all they do or at least in most – I am not of that kind, I reach goals with hard working, even enjoying that though! I don’t consider myself gifted (anymore: I used to be extremely good at math and logical thinking). But I am dedicated, a very good quality from my point of view.
  • there is people able to forget the negative events in their life, step over them and re-start living at once – I am unfortunately not of that kind, I am an elephant with elephant memory. And an idiot!
  • there is people that at 40++ are established – I am not of that kind, I am weird! But in a good way ;-)
  • there are guys that do not care to be loved, hated or nothing at all –  I am not of that kind, love me or hate me, please, but don’t be totally indifferent to me! Especially not after about 3 years together! This is hurting, especially when I realized, when I feel that I am not anymore present in any way possible in **’s mind, just discarded as a used tampon.

After such a terrible description, why any girl on earth should be attracted or interest in me? No reason, probably all the female in a 10 miles range are running away as fast as they can!!

The few girls that are not running away, the few friends that are still close are what gives real good feelings in every day life. I know I am weird, but I still see some people that is not scared by this weirdness, and it makes me feel good! And I try to share these positive feelings with the people I care of, sometimes people that stop caring or never cared about me.. But that’s life and you gonna live it as it is!

Start of the new year

16 01 2015

In these first two weeks I have done a few things:

  1. got stood up by 3 (!) girls for first “dates”/meetings: both had reasonably good reasons (acceptable good excuses); the record was having 3 first dates though.. and the record as well to get both cancelled/postponed (?) in no time!
  2. went to my first Aikido seminar in Bremen with the Aiki-wizard Jorma Lyly sensei
  3. finished my first book: present of a colleague, and extremely funny book titled  “Gods Behaving Bad” by Marie Phillips. Funny seeing now they made a movie of it.. cool!
  4. defrost the fridge!!
  5. collected the repaired laptop and start using more actively the second hand iPad I bought myself for Christmas!

One thing postponed still for next week: shave and cut hairs!


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