This morning I was biking to the train station, quite early for me (just before 7 am) and not far from my place, just on the curb on the side of the bicycle line, there was a middle-age Chinese man doing some morning gymnastic, sort of typical morning Tai Ji forms I used to see when back in my beloved China!
I wanted to say something nice to the man, but my already non-existent Chinese is just disappearing constantly: at the beginning of the year I had tried, with the support of a lost friend, to work on it with daily exercise.
But then I had to try accept the crude reality: I am too limited for an advanced tonal language. No musical ear and musical instinct, aspects that already have been a handicap in order to keep someone a tiny bit more interested in me, have become then an insurmountable, unbeatable, impossible, overwhelming obstacle in order to achieve good results with Chinese language.
So I have opened again the old Japanese books and downloaded the study phone applications, like Kanji Box:
..but the funny thing is that studying the basic Japanese kanji my mind was jumping to the Chinese pronunciation of the character!
Most of the kanji for the basic level in fact are the Chinese hanzi I learnt especially in Hefei thanks to the above mentioned lost friend in particular, but not only. Thanks to all the nice Chinese people I met, and the challenges I encountered there.
Even if I am repeating myself that the door to China, for me, has closed, my brain still hang on some unrealistic hope to make the little Chinese I learnt useful for something. Probably I will push to keep memories until I manage to learn more Japanese again, and then accept just another defeat… and move on!